With all the articles out there about Black Friday deals, duds and strategies, I wanted to hit upon a much overlooked but extremely important topic for all serious Black Friday shoppers - the effect of your Thursday dinner on your Friday battle. Before you stuff yourself with extra yams or that Turkey thigh your wimpy cousin Joey couldn't finish, you might want to consider the following consequences:

 1.  Your hours of effort standing in line may be in vain.

If you are serious about snagging the best deals first, you gotta be up by 4:30am or earlier to go stand in line at the store. Most peoples' bodies aren't used to being up that early. As a result, your ship probably won't be able to unload its cargo from the night before and you will have to trot over to the store with a fully loaded hull. How bad would it be if after hours of waiting in line, at the crucial moment of those coveted, heavenly doors swinging wide open, you feel something else swing wide open inside you, and the evil gopher that every one dreads starts rearing its ugly head, forcing you to rush not to your favorite gadget but to the store restroom the moment you step through those doors? That extra thigh could cost you your gadget-love!  

 2.  You may be more tired than your enemies.

  This isn't shopping; it's war. The seasoned Black Friday fighters will be armed with empty ships and a double-shot cappuccino to stay awake and ready for battle. If you overstuffed yourself the night before, however, gulping down coffee in line is like pulling the pin out of a grenade and holding it in your hand until it explodes. Only in this case, it won't be your blood that splatters everywhere. Yuck!

 3. You won't be fast enough.



Those Olympic runners know nothing about speed. They are only motivated by mere pride and honor. Black Friday shoppers are driven by pure greed - and that can make them cheetahs in the store. If you are a half-second slower than your enemy in getting to that last discounted HDTV simply because you just HAD to eat that second slice of pumpkin pie last night, you'll have only yourself to blame.


 4.  You can't fight properly.

  Black Friday shopping can sometimes get a bit nasty when shoppers "accidentally" push or jostle other shoppers. It's survival of the fittest, and the competition is fierce. If someone happens to nudge your loaded stomach, things could get really messy. I've seen it happen to a friend (although it wasn't on Black Friday), and it is beyond embarrassing. How can you be a strong soldier when you become stuck in your own muddy trenches?
In summary, the lesson is to exercise some self-control when eating your Thanksgiving dinner. Remember, no matter how great the food feels going in, only crap can come out. That hot new half-off GPS device will also go in and out of the store, but if it's not you that owns it when it comes out, it is you who will feel like crap.

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Flush this post

Are you f'n serious with this? Who writes this drivel...

Someone should revoke your blogger's license. Digusting!!!


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